Hope Deferred.

I didn’t understand.

Four months ago, when I first started experiencing health issues, I trusted the Lord would heal me. Yet, as I went to doctor after doctor with no answers, I lost hope in healing. 

Proverbs says that hope deferred makes a heart sick, and I experienced this firsthand, as the sickness in my body started dwelling within my heart. My prayers for healing with my hands lifted high turned into desperate cries of pain on my knees. 

Now, as I am waiting for my next doctor appointment, I still don’t understand why Jesus can heal with a single touch, yet sometimes chooses not to. Yet, one thing I am sure of, in one thing I am confident. He is good, and there is a purpose to our pain. 

He allowed me to come to the end of my own strength to completely depend on His. It was at my lowest, in a posture of humility on my knees, that I finally recognized my own weakness and need. 

When I no longer had words to pray, only drops of tears, I felt his presence near. I realized that more than an answer, more than healing, more than a positive doctor report, I needed Him. 

Romans 5:3-5 says, “We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

Maybe, like me, you are waiting for the Lord to work in your life, with no answers. Rather than allowing delays to defer our hope, may they draw us closer to the One who gives us hope, not based on our external circumstances, but in eternity.