purpose through pain.

I prayed the hard prayer… Lord remove anyone who is not meant to be in my life to make room for the right people… and He answered. Not in the way I wanted, but the way He knew I needed. Although I knew the pruning was coming, I met the Vine Dresser with great resistance. I held on to dead branches, even as the thorns penetrated my skin. Although holding on was hurting me, I could not bear the pain of letting go. 

When my knuckles turned purple, I finally released my grip, allowing the Vine Dresser to cut off the dead branches with His garden shears. As they fell beyond my reach and I said goodbye, I couldn’t help but cry. Yet, deep down, I knew it was the work of the Lord’s hand and He had a good plan. Everytime I mourned the loss, I prayed, Lord, use my tears to water my growth. Pour into the areas that remain, and cultivate growth from my deepest pain. 

Weeks went by. I thought that since I had been pruned, I would start to bloom. However, I found myself wilting under the weight of bitterness and unforgiveness. In order to grow, I had to completely let go, but I found that like I couldn’t hold on with my strength, neither could I release the hurt. 

The Lord gently whispered, Daughter, as the branch cannot bear fruit in itself, unless it abides in the Vine, neither can you unless you abide in me… for apart from me you can do nothing. You cannot forgive through your own strength, but through Mine. Allow my power to be made perfect in your weakness.

I had asked the Lord to prune the wrong people from my life. Now, it was time to ask Him to remove my unforgiveness. I came before the Vinedresser daily in surrender, and He began pulling up deep roots of bitterness that had been manifesting for years. The uprooting hurt. It brought up all the pain I had shoved under the surface. 

Allowing Him to reach my deepest pain brought me into deep intimacy with Him. He was my source of life. Like I had prayed, He collected my every tear to fill His watering can, saving them for this time of need. He poured into my areas of pain, transforming my tears into His living water that washed away my hurt.

His living water satisfied my soul, and I realized that all along, His purpose through the pruning was not to produce external fruit, but the fruits of the spirit within me.